I’ve been wrestling with spirituality. Losing My Religion fits, though I was never brought up with a “right” religion. My dad is far to the right in his Christianity. He believes that women shouldn’t drink or lead countries. My mom is moderately Methodist. My husband is Jewish in gourmet preferences alone. Then there’s me, a former experimenter in Buddhism...
The Bombshell Is Back
Source: eshakti.com I get out of my pajamas. That was Rule One, implemented around Week Two of Unemployment. I MUST be dressed by 9:00 a.m. About Week Eight, I forced myself into Rule Two: I must be dressed nicely by 9:00 a.m. That means no jeans. Some women look great in them. I look fat. I don’t even want to tell you what week of unemployment—and freelancing!—I’m in...
If It Ain't Broke
Photo reblogged from http://dallywinstonluver.tumblr.com/. The worst has happened. My husband and I are sharing a computer. First a bed, then a laptop. What next—a toothbrush?!?! Seriously, though, this new merging of married life has us both on edge. My computer had a meltdown last week and, given that we’re both still unemployed, we cannot go around buying up new...
Inspired by Love
This morning at 7:20 a.m. a car on my street started honking and honking and honking and honking and honking and honking. I can’t even relay to you how long it went on because it was truly the longest bout of honking that I’ve ever experienced … except that I’ve now experienced it three mornings in a row at 7:20 a.m. So this morning, instead of exchanging...
Most days when asked how I’m feeling, I lie. My husband always gets the same answer, the truth, always, which is that I feel out to sea. Untethered. When I’m honest with others, like today maybe, I can say, “I feel untethered. The waters are calm and the sea spray cool across my face. The destination is unclear but I follow the dolphins, the whales, the sharks! I...
Big Girl Dreams
I’m onto something big, huge, a gigantic life secret. It started with my husband getting laid off. That’s right. We’re both unemployed, which might make you go awww except you’ve read this and this and this where I woe-is-me-ed over the fact that I wanted to travel from Bangkok to Bombay but how? We had jobs, bona fide careers, and a house that we should buy and...
My parents divorced when I was older, but my mom especially realized the impact...– Amy Jo Trager, whose quote I meant to add to the Best Advice section over 2 years ago! Better late than never!!
The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will...– Margaret Atwood (via kari-shma)
So Long For Now, Mickey!
Every morning at five o’clock I woke up gasping, until last night. It’s been 13 days since I lost my job and finally I slept through the night. I’ve had this blog for three years. I worked for Disney for five. All of those dreams I’ve been writing about, now’s the time. Don’t you think? A large part of my anonymity in this blog has been...
Well hello there! I’ve been MIA for two months. I finished the second draft of my novel, turned it in for my master’s thesis, graduated, and have been making ottomans. Yes, ottomans. I’m now a little obsessed with Design*Sponge. I’ve also realized that it’s becoming much harder to have anonymity on the internet and the days of feeling secure as Mrs. Levine are...
I’m in “I hate” mode. Sheesh, it is bad. I hate my hair. I recently got it cut and it still looks shapeless. I hate my body. I’ve been cutting back, shaping up, getting my “I’m too exhausted” butt up the stairs instead of the elevator and yet I wobble. My arms wobble. My legs wobble. I’m embarrassed and feel fat. It’s important...
Give Me Just a Little More Time
I love getting home from work before my husband. I think it should be my new mission in life to get a job that lets me out of work before him. Our vision board should have some sort of symbol that means that I get home from work first in our future life because let me tell you, it is bliss. I notice the daffodils on the table, how they bloomed while I was away, and I...
Sunny Side Up
You see that golden sparkling bubble bar? I just had that in my bath. Yep, $6.15 melted into water and made the surface shimmer like a yellow brick road. It is expensive but it made me feel good as gold. Now my skin sparkles and, amazingly, my spirit feels a little more dazzling, too. I recommend stepping into Lush and onto the Sunny Side. This Week’s Joys: Sunny Side bath Making...
Oh the Things the Easter Bunny Brings
Postcard reblogged from Vintage Fangirl. I can’t describe it other than to say it feels like I’m waking up from a very long sleep. I suppose that’s what spring is about, isn’t it? But this is different. I see where I want to go next in life, even if I’m unclear on how to get there. I think I’d like to travel from Bangkok to Bombay, maybe circle the Bay of...
I love roasted carrots. I love cognac. I love sitting by a fire pit at sunset. I love LOST, even though it ended badly. I love The Time Traveler’s Wife. I love smooth, swingy hair that only my hairdresser can give me. I love a man in a 3-piece suit. I love thick, soft socks that stay in place within my shoes. I love the green light of the sky before sunrise. I love waking up in my...
The Things Husbands Are For
My husband has been telling me I’m wrong a lot lately. Sometimes he’s not very nice about it either. But here’s the thing, he’s mostly right about the ways in which I’m wrong. Maybe that’s what sucks about it the most. Yesterday he told me that he thinks the self-esteem problems I’m having are stemming from the fact that I’ve stopped going to the...
Tales from Atop of the Soap Box
I had to learn a tough lesson this week and that is that just because I’m ready to confront my issues, doesn’t mean that everyone else is, too. I’ll admit it. I’ve been a little bit like a drive-by Dr. Phil, telling it like it is wherever I go. Secret Fifty-Three, Revealed. Honest insights are not always welcome. But I desperately want...
To Be Daring
Hello, friends. I’ve been M.I.A. lately. Between Valentine’s Day and my birthday, I’ve just been chilling out more than usual I suppose. But my husband is out for the evening and I’ve got some potatoes boiling, so let’s chat… So. I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately about this blog and how it’s existence is both my freedom and my hiding place....
I had a revelation. Always I ask myself what I could have with what I can do. Now I’ve started asking what I can do with what I have. It’s a little shift but powerful. Like I like the idea of living in Southeast Asia for awhile. I’d been thinking that we could sublet our house and I have a resume that could get me an entry-level ESL teaching position. But that never feels...
Will They or Won't They?
Why are so many of Hollywood’s beloved wonder couples on the blink? Hard economic times affect us all. It sinks into our lives and absorbs our culture whether rich or poor, celebrity or not. When times are tough, souls are rocked off the foundations. In the land of happily ever after, can our favorites make it? Photo reblogged from Style Now. Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp Two...
Window Shopping the Next Big Thing
We’re stuck. We’ve never been stuck before. Either he wanted to go to grad school or I wanted to go to Southeast Asia. Never have we been at a loss for what our next big thing would be. But we’re stuck. Last night I had a dream that there was an apocalypse. People were living indoors. Food and medicine were running low. I knew one place that would still have water, still have...
Looking at the Mirror
I hate self-help books. Here’s my interpretation of reading a self-help book. I am going to tell you this. Then I’m going to tell you that. Are you ready for me to tell you this? I don’t think you are so really look into yourself. Now are you ready? Are you sure? Last chance, because I’m going to tell you now. We’re all seeking love and acceptance. I hope...
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with...– Ralph Waldo Emerson (via misswallflower)
Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth...– Sigmund Freud (via fleshscars)
When we are happy we don’t hurt others. My husband was watching the Black Power Mixtape this week while I was getting ready for work and I caught that line from the voiceover just as I was walking out the door. I’ve been thinking about that ever since. Maybe happiness doesn’t mean being positive and sneezing rainbows every day. In fact, recently, I’ve been thinking that...
What I admire about Lucille Ball is that she was bold and not afraid to look...– Dianna Agron (via littlewishjar)
Just Another January
It’s January. I know, mostly from blogging, that I get depressed about this time every year. It ain’t lack of sunshine either. I’ve got plenty. I feel all right this year, though, despite a disastrous Christmas. But I’m here and probably more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve maybe ever been. I’m proud I’m a writer and proud of what I write....
Resolution: TO DO More, To Do Less
I have one resolution for 2012 and that is to keep a weekly To Do list. One list is for things that nourish me. The second is for errands. I want to write them both at the start of each week, on Sundays. This first week of the year, I have yoga, meditation, and massage on my nourishment list. I have listed to set up a credit union account, begin revising the first draft of my novel, and...
To All, A Very Merry Christmas
May your hearts be light and your season bright. May many blessing bring joy to your life today and all through the year. Happy Holidays!
Just spent 40 minutes digging around in our garage with the flashlight trying to find the menorah but, hey, found it! Along with the Christmas lights from last year that we thought we lost. Oh Happy Hanukkah Day!
Husband and Wife Stuff
Husband: I don’t get angry at you very often. Me: When do you get angry at me? Husband: I don’t, I guess. Well, I don’t like it when you put things in the trash when it’s already full. You could just take it out. But that’s not really mad, it’s … Me: Frustrated. Like when you continually put knives in the dishwasher facing up when I tell you not to. ...
What Makes Happiness?
I’ve been thinking about my 90 joys in 90 days. Secret Fifty-One, Revealed. By the end, I was looking for the joys at the end of each day instead of creating them as a shift in my lifestyle. Hey, it worked. Things in my life were a lot more joyful by the end. But I’ve been thinking about a new plan for the new year, maybe a little better strategy for fusing joy into my life. If a...
Aborigines, Bones, and the Meaning of Life
Hello! I’ve been on vacation. And other things, but mainly vacation. Man, do I have a lot of things to say … but there’s a dinner in the oven with the timer about to go. So, I guess I’ll have to be brief. My husband and I hiked a trail in Costa Rica with one other couple and a guide. Not a single human noise around. Only plants and animals and rain. Lots of rain. We...
Notes on FIRST KISS TO LASTING BLISS
I’ve been following Lori Lowe’s blog Marriage Gems for a couple of years and find her advice on marriage truly wonderful and inspiring. She’s not a marriage counselor, just a marriage student and writer like me, but she has researched lasting marriage and interviewed happily married couples from all walks of life. Now Lori has a new book coming out—First Kiss to Lasting...
If we listened to our intellect we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a...– Ray Bradbury
Shaking the Family Tree
My parents are mad at me. They are mad in a way that they might never get over. Sigh. They’ve stopped talking to me because of a story I sent them. I’ve tried to apologize for hurting their feelings. They won’t talk to me. Sigh. I write what I know. I write what I’ve been through and even if I tried to stop I wouldn’t be able to stop. I need to be able to speak...
Reflection on 90 Joys
Do you remember why I started tracking 90 joys in 90 days? It was because my husband told me that I shouldn’t always be focused on the next vacation to make me happy, that I should live each day joyfully. He started his full time job just a few weeks ago and now all he talks about is needing a vacation. Aw, humble pie. It’s nice to be able to serve up a big dish of it sometimes...
90 Days, 90 Joys: Day 82-90
Day 82: I saw George Clooney. I really did! I went to a special screening of the Ides of March and he walked right past me. So much smaller—both shorter and thinner—in person but still charmed the pants off the audience despite being seemingly quite nervous. Day 83: I met with the producer who loved my screenplay and she told me to start looking for an agent. (This is the...
90 Days, 90 Joys: Day 81
Day 81: I realized that I looked pretty with no makeup on and my hair unbrushed. My face was relaxed. I wasn’t stressed. That made all the difference.