January 2011
24 posts
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The Things No One Tells You
I boarded the plane having only booked the flight a few hours before. I rushed to the hospital room and, when I opened the door, many eyes stared back at me but none that were instantly familiar, none that were related to her. She was uncomfortable both physically and emotionally and I knew it and no one was prepared to leave us alone to talk it out.
Twenty minutes later the nurse asked who...
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Story of a Morning
I finally tried on my jeggings today. I bought the ones The Pinoeer Women recommended. And, sigh. They didn’t look as fantastic as the ones I tried on in a store that were one size too small or maybe I just felt self-consious but I decided to put them back and go with a nice, solid blogger-recommended pair instead.
I stuck them into my boots and wore them with a wonderfully cut long grey...
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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung...”
– C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)
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Bite Me
I keep waiting too long to eat, until I’m really super angry hungry, and then I hear the voice set in. I look at the food and I feel the pain in my stomach and I think, “Take that for being as fat as a 9-month-pregnant person.” Then I can’t eat.
It isn’t that I want to weigh 135, which is what she weighed before she got pregnant, because I don’t. I lose my...
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Ambition and Letting Go
What would it take to achieve your dreams?
Today I’m wondering if the only thing I need to do is let go of everything that stops me from doing it.
What stops me?
Fear of:
No money
No stabiblity
No status
That the loss of those things would make me unhappy.
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What's Real?
I’m still not ready to write about watching my friend birth a child. I’ll stop saying that soon and just shut up about it already, but I do keep wanting to talk about the aftershocks from it. For instance, I’ve had the same nightmare ever since I left Seattle. It goes like this …
I’m holding her baby but I know that I need to be back in L.A. I know that I have...
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A Perfect Day in Food
I feel like I could fall into a blogging slump if I don’t jump back on the saddle, but I’m still not ready to write about my experiences with friendship and childbirth, even though I’ve now passed all of the strange saddness and moved into crying to strangers about the miracle of life. (I’m not joking.) But I’m not ready.
I will tell you this, though. The...
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The Fisherman's Son
It’s 7:23 a.m. and I’m tucked into a sleeping bag on the couch of one of The Fisherman’s relatives. I published my previous post a week ago, only to realize this morning that it never sent. So I guess you might have wondered where I’ve been. Seattle, but more specifically to the edge of my own emotional abyss and back.
The Fisherman’s Wife had her baby, a lovely...
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The Countdown Begins . . .
The Fisherman’s Wife (via text): This might be too much info for you, but I did lose my mucus plug today. That doesn’t mean I’m going into labor right away, it could still be a week or two away, but it is one more step closer. Me (return text): No info is too much, although I have no idea what a mucas plug is! Did it hurt? Does it all hurt now? Started wondering the other day...
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There Aren't Any Princes Here, Honey
“I took Matilda to Disney World recently and we saw all the princesses, and then she turned around and said, ‘OK, now I’d like to see where all the princes are.’ The Disney person said, ‘Nobody has ever asked me that before. There aren’t any princes here, honey.”
- Michelle Williams in an interview with Marie Claire
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“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply...”
– Laozi (via kari-shma)
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“The kind and amount of food you eat is not a manifestation of your worth as a...”
– Hanne Blank (via sleepydumpling)
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All Quiet on the Woman's Front
If you gave me the choice to spend every minute of my life with my husband or to have some alone time, I’d choose him every time. Other people tend to suffocate me and leave me quietly begging for time to myself, but not him. Not him.
Yet, today, he went out with Little Miss Thang and I took a deep breath and went about my day. A very nice day consisting of a massage, dip in the hot tub,...
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“It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not.”
– André Gide (via kari-shma)
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One True Purpose
What would it look like if I loved myself? If I were another person entirely and I was put in charge of me as a guardian, a protector, a lover. Really. I mean it. What if I treated myself as someone I truly loved? What would that look like?
I would get up a half an hour earlier to write—morning pages, as Julia Cameron calls it in The Artist’s Way. Thirty minutes of uninterrupted...
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“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something...”
– Frederick Koenig (via kari-shma)
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Breaking My Own Stupid Heart
My New Year’s Resolutions have already made me cry. What jerks!
Because, see, I went to work yesterday and let people push me around all over the place, not because they are bad people but because they need boundaries too. I came home feeling like a stick of poop and thinking that I was a worthless, useless, talentless person. And I drank a bottle of Fat Tire beer even though I told...
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The Me of 2011
I keep thinking a lot about New Year’s Resolutions but not writing them down. Partly, I feel like I’m doing a pretty fine job at making positive changes without the ever-looming list. I also thought that I had achieved all of last year’s resolutions until I looked at the list and realized I’d missed some. That sucks. If there were no list then I’d still be living in...
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“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
– Winston Churchill (via abolishconfusion)
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“I do think New Year’s resolutions can’t technically be expected to begin on New...”
– Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary (via simko)
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