My mom is mad at me. She’s mad in a way that she might never get over. She doesn’t like to talk things out. She doesn’t like to remember hard times. She doesn’t like it that I’m a writer and she doesn’t like to read what I write. But what’s difficult about that is … I became a writer because I needed to be able to express myself.

Sigh.

She’s stopped talking to me because of a story I sent her. I wrote a personal essay about learning to let go of my father and allowing my step-father to fill his shoes. That’s not what my mother read in the essay. She thinks I’ve said she’s a bad mother. I’ve tried to apologize for hurting her feelings. I’ve tried to say that I’m proud of us and our family and where we’ve been. She won’t talk to me.

Sigh.

What has happened, why I’ve sent the stories, is because I’m starting to get to a place in my life where I can’t hide the fact that I’m a writer. I write what I know. I write what I’ve been through and even if I tried to stop I wouldn’t be able to stop. I try to hold a lot of compassion for everyone I write about but I can’t let that hide my truth either. I’m almost 33-years-old. I need to be able to speak my truth. Luckily, my husband is being really supportive, even though it’s been hard in the past for he and I to negotiate the same issue. We’re on the same page and thank god for that otherwise I might be falling apart.

So.

People are beginning to notice that I’m a writer and be interested in my writing. At the same time, my mom is facing the shame that her child is going to have a very public voice in the world. (Are you seeing another reason why this blog is written anonomously?)

Anyway.

I promised Pepper that I would end my blog posts with my weekly joys still and I think that’s a fantastic idea. Here they are:

Joys:

The Fisherman’s Wife sent me a text of her little guy that said that they both loved me.

I tried Trader Joe’s Peppermint candy green tea and—despite my husband turning his nose up at it—I loved it.

My husband’s new job pays for our health insurance—no monthly payment and 100% coverage!

I’m spending all of Sunday in my pajamas. (hooray!)

My grandpa saw my husband’s movie about him and said it was the nicest gift anyone’s ever given him. He said that he sat in his chair and cried because he loved us so much. I needed to hear that and so did my husband. Love is amazing thing, huh?