I hate self-help books. Here’s my interpretation of reading a self-help book.

I am going to tell you this.

Then I’m going to tell you that.

Are you ready for me to tell you this?

I don’t think you are so really look into yourself.

Now are you ready?

Are you sure?

Last chance, because I’m going to tell you now.

We’re all seeking love and acceptance.

I hope you have now learned what I told you.

If you haven’t, buy my next book.

I had to get that out of my system because I’m about to recommend—maybe for the first time ever—a self-help book. The Fisherman’s Wife mailed it to me after I got thrown out of the house on Christmas. She’s a therapist. Kind of makes sense that my best friend is a therapist, huh?

Anyway, I started reading this book on Friday and can barely put it down. If you’re like me, you’re going to get weirded out by the title but here goes—Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in the Struggle for Self. Even though my mom threw me out of the house on Christmas for saying that she had three husbands in an essay I wrote (btw, it is a fact that she had three husbands), I didn’t want to think of her as a narcissist. That would be mean.

But, the Fisherman’s Wife sent me a self-help book about a year ago that I never read so I felt bad enough to actually start reading this one. Woo-wee. Fascinating stuff. Basically, our society is narcissistic, right? We value the shallow. And we all have narcissistic traits, it’s just some people let those traits define their lives while others don’t. I see myself, my husband, my friends, my family, little pieces of lots of people’s lives unfolding in this book. Our patterns explained and defined. It makes me feel more compassionate and at peace.

For instance, I am a person that doesn’t help out around the house very much. It’s a facet of narcissism. I am content to let my husband do my laundry and dishes. He has a narcissistic parent that also has that behavior. In choosing me as a wife, we perpetuate the pattern where my husband must cater to my needs in that way instead of a stronger balance.

Second instance, my husband is a person that doesn’t highly value stability. He would rather quit a job that he doesn’t like instead of putting up with it until he has another job lined up. That means that I am required to be our breadwinner, keeping our life financially stable for the both of us but in the process prioritizing my husband’s happiness as higher than my own. My husband and I are working on breaking that pattern as well as the negotiations on housework.

So, if it sounds interesting, I actually do give it a thumbs up despite my narcissistic self that thinks I don’t need self-help books. Haha.

This week’s joys:

Bought a bag of Stumptown coffee, so expensive but so good.

Taking a walk in the rain with my husband.

Getting a picture text of the Fisherman’s Wife’s son at his 1st birthday party in the outfit I bought him.

Starting to plan my next big trip. Myanmar, here we come!

Sitting by our tiny urban firepit at sunset with a glass of wine and a book

Holding the Actor’s Wife’s new son and watching him totally chill out in my arms

Catching up on Parks and Recreation. Love that show.