Mr. Levine and I were having dinner last night when he was telling me about the theories that his single friends have on getting women. One, in particular, made Mr. Levine wish he’d continued to eat his lamb korma instead of sparking up the conversation with his wife.

One of my husband’s half good-looking friends says that he loves dating women in their 30s because they’re quicker to have sex with him. Why? Because they’re all so desperate to have babies.

I was fully intending to shoot the messenger when I replied, “But they’re not hoping to have a baby from the sex they are having with him.” (Look of utter disgust) “Noo,” Mr. Levine said slightly sheepishly. He explained.

Basically, women in their 30s are so desperate to find a partner to have babies with that they will have sex quicker than women in their 20s or 40s just to see if this guy is “the one.” This clever fellow just wants the sex, but he lets them think there’s a connection so that he gets what he wants. Afterward, if she isn’t smart enough to discard him then he discards her.

Okay, let’s flip this over. I was appalled at the idea of women being so desperate to have babies that they will sleep with any old jackass. But maybe this is actually a sort of feminist movement. Sure, we want kids and there are a lot of jackasses out there. When we women are strapped for time, I do think we do an excellent job of multitasking. So who is getting played here—the woman, the man, both, or neither?

Single ladies, give us a whisper … (And us married ladies will whisper back about the same sort of desperation that we’re feeling. Secret Five, Revealed: Single or married, we’re all in the same 30s boat of desperation and that fact makes me want to give Father Time the middle finger.)