My opinion: you figure out what you (and only you) need more then anything else and get that thing. Then you have to cut that person you love, who gives you that thing you need, a whole lot of fuckin’ slack about everything else.

I would council anyone I loved to “settle” about the long list of things they would prefer. But really hold out for the big thing that they feel they need to be themselves.

And don’t say “true love.” That’s vague. I have friends who have married for security, passion, support of their career or ambition, healing from terrible psychic wounds, and/or shared values. They are all doing fine. The people who have gotten divorced are the ones that can’t tell you why the hell they got married except that it felt like love at the time. Then all the little stuff became sand in the tumbler, grinding their marriage into porous, unstable shapes.

In conclusion: I am pro-settling, on everything but one pillar (of your choice) you are willing to build your life around.